You've Gotta Take Accountability
If I had a dollar for every time a patient asked me to "fix them," I'd be a wealthy woman...or I'd at least have my student loans paid off. But really, jokes aside, this is a common misconception.
To be quite frank, the reason therapy can not "fix" you, is because real change is a mindset that YOU have to have. I can guide you there, but you have to first take accountability for your role in your life, and second you have to truly want to change.
When you place the power on someone or something outside of yourself, you will never transform on the inside. Sure, you may temporarily improve external or superficial things for a moment in time, but no real and lasting improvements will take place until you take responsibility.
I know firsthand how difficult it is to not harbor resentment, anger, or painful emotions toward others who have impacted your life. I'm not telling you to abandon these emotions. It's important to feel these feelings. In fact, without allowing yourself to feel these emotions, you will likely never be able to move on. So, know that your feelings are justified simply because you feel them. They are yours and I validate them.
That said, most of us continue to live begrudging others for years, or decades even, after we have been hurt. Because YOU are choosing to hold on to the hurt, it is YOUR life that is impacted. YOU, without knowing, are giving away your power, and that is for YOU to take back.
You want to be validated for your feelings. You don't want to have baggage. You don't want to have issues, but you are human. We all have baggage. We all have issues. We all have been hurt before. It's part of the experience here on earth. For change to occur you have to accept the reality that uncomfortable moments will take place, and not every one you come in contact with will say or behave exactly the way you hope they would.
It is not your job to control "them", it is your job to take responsibility for who you are and how you show up for yourself. You have to recognize that feeling hurt is OK, but after the incident occurs, it is YOU who is choosing to hold on to the emotion rather than just set up a boundary and move forward in peace.
Accountability is the name of the game. You cannot control anyone else. You can only control yourself, and once you have that awareness, great change can take place. Are you ready?
